Mated By The Demon Collections: Paranormal Romance Page 38
Why wasn’t lucky enough to have met her or someone like her before now? Better than that your dead best friend’s wife; soon to be your wife. The thoughts all rushed through his head almost too quickly to catch fully.
He would be able to wait, he was sure. Of course he might have to spend most of his time in this room locked behind the door. Conor laughed at that sad realization that came to him.
Figures a woman I think I can finally love and it’s my best friend’s wife. He laughed as he thought it. Conor wondered if Bradon had any idea that he would react to Heather this way. Something made him really consider that as truth.
Now that he thought about it, Heather seemed to have the knack at certain things too. Then his reminded him no that wasn’t true. Your just falling in love with her, the voice would yell out, taunting him.
Conor didn’t like this feeling if it was love. It made him feel to unsecure. That he would be the one to get hurt this time. It didn’t seem like a good idea to him to let this happen. Then he thought, “too late for that one now isn’t it?”
He shrugged hoping that maybe one day he would be able to touch her. “And maybe one day she’ll even love me.” He smiled.
It was something he could cling too during this marriage. Maybe she’ll love me. He thought again. It had a nice ring to it. He could almost hear her saying it in his ears. But that wasn’t true enough for him. It sounded hollow and unreal, made up. Because it was made up you idiot, he thought.
He wasn’t really sure how to proceed from here. But he would do what she wanted. He would try to only hug her when she had asked. He must remember to not kiss her that had almost happened too. His mind reminded him of the several signs he had given of how he felt.
Conor wondered what this something about Heather was that had him beguiled? He didn’t want to have his heart broken though. He had done it enough times to young women before, and watched their pain. Their pain hadn’t mattered to him. Today when he had seen Heather’s pain, he could feel it, and he wanted to take it all on. He wanted her to not feel any of the pain. He would gladly do that for her. It was with those thoughts that he finally had to admit to himself that he loved her.
“I’m an idiot. What have I gotten myself into now? Man Bradon I wish you were here to bail me out now.” Conor chuckled.
His situation was one that he wouldn’t put on anyone in his life. That was simply because he had never been married. He might have done the same thing as Bradon if positions would have been changed. Conor having been married and dying would he ask the same of his friend? He wasn’t sure, it was hard to imagine. He knew it was because he had never loved a woman.
Now she had snatched him and had him tangled up in her grasp so quickly. It wasn’t the first time he would wonder about her being a witch. But each time before now he had failed to examine it. Could she be a witch too? But if she was why do I go and get the witch to help treat her? Couldn’t she do all that by herself if she was a witch?
He finally rattled off his concerns one by one about this topic. Conor wondered for a second was that part of the spell, to forget he had the thought about her? He got a suspicious look on his face. He had a few dealings with witches in the past. But one thing he remembered was that all the witches he knew had been old. She wasn’t old at all, not compared to them.
His mind jumped, “they have to start out at a younger age right?” It asked and he tried to reflect it to not think about this subject anymore. It always made his mind hurt. He didn’t think witches were bad, that wasn’t it. Just that he didn’t know much about them.
“It wouldn’t matter even if she was I’ve still fallen in love with her.” He admitted it out loud to no one but himself.
But he knew he had to be good and not push her. “I’ll just be in here a lot.” He said. Knowing that at least some pleasure would help to relieve the burning desire he was feeling for Heather right now.
Conor could do this he knew he would be fine. He would just imagine his friend when he felt too excited around her. Not only would it calm him quickly and sufficiently. Conor was more than positive he’d be able to wait for her move to be made.
“She told me to hug her. If she wants more she’ll have to tell me. I will not take her by force.” He stated. It was his oath to his dead friend. He knew without a doubt that Bradon was watching all of this right now.
Chapter 12
Heather was getting better as the days went by. She still had times of pain, but more lately she had been noticing Conor. She almost felt herself being pushed at him. Like Bradon was in the room and whispering to her, “please baby I’m good with it.”
But that thought would make her uneasy, so she would often act like she had to go in and do something, if they were outside. Conor had dug a hole for them to bury Bradon; it had been a nice day out for the ceremony.
Last night she had dreamed of Conor and her making love. She had woken up and been afraid that he would be checking on her in her room at that moment. If he had been she might have invited him into her bed.
The dream had been quite erotic and passionate. As she woke up her mind had been searching for him, almost hoping he was in there. Thankfully, he had not been in the bedroom. Sylvia and Conor had been watching her less and less as she slept. During the daytime she would find either of them with her most of the time. But now that she thought about it she had been seeing a lot less of Conor lately.
A few times he had been in the room for a little while, but most times within a few minutes he would leave to find Sylvia. Heather wondered why he was staying away from her.
But then she had to admit that on more than one occasion she had sent him away as well. Her mind would kick into its overactive imagination side and she would picture him making love to her. It was hard to let him stay in the room at that time though. She didn’t think she could smell his scent and not want him, not during these moments of fancy.
There had been sometimes she knew she had been rude to him. But the fact was that she had allowed the fantasies of him to go too far in her mind. If she wouldn’t have forced him out of the room, she might have forced herself on him.
She wished she could find a way to disappear at those moments. There were moments when she felt she was one step closer to the edge, and she was about to break. Her body was revving up the engines and it was ready to go, but the heart and mind were not. They were yelling ‘shut up’ in her mind.
Heather didn’t know how much longer it would be though before she would feel right about giving in.
“Maybe after the marriage it will feel a bit different.” She said out loud.
This back and forth feelings she had been experiencing couldn’t be good for the baby either. She would be happy to just get it over with and move on in the physical sense. Until she had his last name though, she considered herself to be Bradon’s.
They hadn’t talked about when to have the wedding. Not much, he had mentioned it once, and she had looked at him. Conor hadn’t said another word, so if she wanted it Heather would have to let him know.
She sat back and thought about the right amount of time to wait. As she closed her eyes she tried to picture Brandon. She wished she could conjure him in her mind and just talk to him. Get his advice on this to know she was doing the right thing.
He had always been her rock in the past. It was hard to imagine someone new in her life. The person had to be trustworthy, and willing to accept the child in their life. She would want the child to know about his or her real father.
Heather wondered if he would be able to help her keep Bradon’s memory alive to the baby. He should be able too; maybe even I’ll hear brand new stories. She smiled at the thought.
It was crazy she knew it, but she had to let her mind move to where it was going to accept the thought of Conor touching her body. She had to admit that it made her frightened. After all Bradon had been her one and only lover in her life.
She waited for him to come into the room. A little later she
saw him peak his head around the corner. If she had not have looked up and seen him, she wondered if he would have left?
“Hey, can I talk to you?” She asked.
He came fully around the corner and looked at her. “Sure, sorry I didn’t know if you might be sleeping.” He commented.
Heather figured that was possible, though not likely.
“When do you think we should get married?” She asked him.
“I was leaving that up to you.” He commented.
She thought about it for a second. How long could she hold out and not want him sexually? She looked at him and thought how nice he looked. Her body began to react as she thought erotic thoughts that starred Conor and her.
“How about tomorrow, is that okay with you? I mean we can just do it here, no one has to come. After all I don’t want everyone here so soon after the funeral.” Heather commented.
“Right I agree. Plus it is a little hard to explain that I’m marrying you because your husband asked me the day he died.” Conor said. It was out before he fully thought of the words. He hadn’t realized that her words had cut him so badly. But he had felt like she was ashamed that she was going to be his wife. However, when he thought about it she was right. “I’m sorry; I don’t know what kind of reaction that was. I don’t think we should have anyone over.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, if that is what it was. I just didn’t want to have people over and be all festive yet.” She explained.
“I don’t know what got into me. Really I’m sorry and I think you are right. So I’ll bring the man here tomorrow so we can get married.” Conor said and started out of the room.
“Conor wait please.” She called out and watched him turn around. She wondered what she could say to make him feel better. But telling him out loud that she found him attractive and was feeling horny just didn’t see the right thing to do.
He finally got tired of looking at her and turned and walked out of the door. Heather cursed herself for saying those words; they hadn’t been meant the way he had taken them. But how would she change that now?
Chapter 13
Conor went back to his room. He was mad about his reaction to her comment. At first he had to admit it had been the comment that had made him go red. But then he realized that she hadn’t meant it the way he had taken it. He walked off mad that he had shown her that he cared more for her.
“She has to know that I love her.” He paced in his room. He was hitting his fist into the palm of his other hand. The anger was immense in him and he thought he might go crazy. He felt naked in front of her, or at least he could imagine he would feel that way now.
For the few seconds she had looked at him before he finally left the room, he swore she knew what he had been thinking.
“How could I let something like that slip past my defenses?” He asked aloud.
He had been fighting his feelings for her so well this long. But in one afternoon it was shown, exactly how he felt.
Wait a minute, you assuming she knows. She still misses Bradon; she might not have even noticed my reaction. He thought and hoped at the same time. Perhaps his true feelings could still be kept a secret. He didn’t want to be the one who got the broken heart. Because he couldn’t imagine how Heather could ever love him. Not after knowing how much her and Bradon love one another. Not even after seeing her cry for him all these weeks. He wondered if he would ever get the look of love he wanted from her or not?
Conor doubted it, there was no way that love would ever look at him and smile. Not after all those girls he had hurt in the past. How could that be fair or just? It seemed like he would have to pay for it one way or another, and this made sense. He would pine after her and she would simply live her life and talk about her dead husband all the time.
Well he would talk about him right along with her, and slowly he would die inside. It made perfect sense it would cause him to feel what he had made all those other girls feel. He felt guilty for his actions with them suddenly.
He should never have played with any of their hearts. But the truth had been he hadn’t gone into the relationship with that in mind. He would just find out that whichever girl he had been with, she wasn’t what he wanted.
There would be times he had himself convinced for a few months that maybe this one was the right one. But sooner or later he would find out that his mind had been lying to him all along. Then it clicked in his mind maybe that was all it was this time too!
Conor felt better at this thought. That had to be it; this was just his brain mixing up signals again. Soon enough he would wake up and realize that he didn’t love her at all. That maybe it was grief, or something else, but he would what? He wouldn’t be able to leave this time though. He had promised to raise the child with her, to take care of the child and Heather.
He almost didn’t go out the door to find the justice of peace to marry them the next day. However, she had requested it so he went anyway. It broke his heart imagining being married to her yet not sharing her body, not being able to touch her. It might hurt too much, he wasn’t sure.
Conor realized that as the days went by since he had been here; he had grown more and more attached to Heather. The fact was that if he married her he really would want to be in her husband in every sense of the word. But he could still hear her words to him about that.
“I don’t know when I’ll be ready; it will most likely be a while though. I know it isn’t fair to you as a man. But I would really appreciate it if or when we do get married, that you won’t seek out another woman. I’m sorry if that seems a bit demanding on my side. But I just don’t want my husband to be known as the man who sleeps around with everyone, or even one.” Heather had explained to him during one of their talks.
The fact was that he avoided staying in the room with her very much in general. But that one time she had caught him quickly. Not often did it happen, but this had been quite a hard pill to swallow. Conor has thought about the situation more than one time, since she had woken up.
Each time he could see himself waiting, but he would want to have sex. If he had to go to the local pub and find a girl, it would be okay. But here she had effectively taken away one of the outlets he had thought would be available. He had found out too quickly that masturbation didn’t relieve much of the pressure that was building up in his loins. However, having a real woman would help that out.
He had finally agreed to her terms, though he didn’t like them. Now she was asking him to get the justice of peace to marry them. If only he had gone to town before now, he might not be so hesitant. He had put it off though, figuring he had a bit more time before she would want to marry. She had shocked him.
Conor went out the door, wondering if he should stop and get a girl first, but then decided against it. Maybe she’s special and I should wait for her? He did think he loved her after all. In all honesty now that he thought about it he knew why he hadn’t ventured out yet. Conor hadn’t wanted too; he had wanted to wait for her too.
He shook his head, he really didn’t enjoy this love crap, or whatever this feeling was that was in his body when it came to Heather.
On the way he tried to think of how he could do this, but a good solution did not come to him. He brought news that the justice would be able to come over in the early afternoon.
Chapter 14
“He won’t be able to come in the morning.” Conor told Heather the news about the justice who would come out and marry them.
Heather wanted to demand why not, but knew better. Conor had no control over when the justice would be able to come over. But her body had almost audibly moaned at his news. She had partially wished that he would come back with the justice in tow. That he would tell her he had made the man come out now, because he wanted her.
She wondered why she had thought that too. She loved Bradon. But she also knew that he was gone and wasn’t going to be back ever. It was sad, but her body yearned for much more than just a hug. Now that she thought of it
, she had heard tales from her friends about this feeling. They had said when they had been pregnant; they had pleased their husband much more! It had been a joke, because the men loved it, and the women didn’t seem to be upset about this side effect.
“That’s what it is.” She said to herself after Conor had left the room. He hadn’t stuck around long after telling her the news. He had seemed a bit upset. Heather wondered if he had a woman he was already in love with? But then she remembered that he had told her he had never loved a woman.
Heather had to wonder what that was like, how he had never fallen in love. She had fallen in love with Bradon so deeply and quickly, she didn’t even realize when it had started. She had to move on from him physically though, had to realize her life wasn’t ending.
With a new distraction, she might be able to keep her mind off of Bradon for longer periods of times. She might even possibly be able to make sure the baby was born healthy. The witch had warned her about too much bad feelings going to the baby. It isn’t good; the baby may not be as healthy and strong when they are born. That could possibly mean losing the baby after it was born, instead of before.
“So please make sure you try to only think of good things as much as you can.” The witch had said to Heather the last time she had come to see her. Heather was trying to do just that.
She sat there and thought about Conor for the first time on purpose. The other times he had come into her mind it had been surprise. At first she would think about Bradon and her, but then the man would change to Conor.
He was handsome, just as handsome as Bradon. Heather loved being in his arms, he would hug her tightly and let her cry when she needed it. He was caring and had never hurt her on purpose. Not that she could think of that were anything terrible. They had both been grieving for a while, and sometimes she had snapped at him. She was sure she had said some mean things to him during those moments. But he was still here with her that was a good sign.